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Well, my wanderings of a manga-ka have ended I suppose. I guess you can call it a season end. I've decided to to turn this site into my Japanese blog, where I ramble in Japanese rather than in English. I will, however, be posting in English about my day to day activites just not here. I have a new blog on Blogger, which I'll leave a link to at the end of this post. I've been reviewing how useful LJ has been, and to be honest, not much. I'll still have this site open to comment and whatnot on LJ, but not in the same capacity. I'm no longer a Manga-ka. That ship sailed a long time ago, its time to leave the wandering behind now, since I have a direction to go in.
Like I said, this blog as "Wanderings of a manga-ka" (or "Between the Rising East and Setting West" as it has been recently renamed) is going to change its focus. I'll post a link to any updates I do on Blogger, so feel free to comment there if you see a post. Maybe you'll find something of interest there, maybe not, I don't know. But as of today this LJ is offically closed as "Wanderings of a Manga-ka" The next post will either be a link to my new blog on blogger, or a Japanese-only post on a similar subject.
this is Hyper-neko, signing off in English.
PS:
The blogger site is http://jair-jair.blogspot.comMood:  chipper Tunes: Eternal Wind - Mikuni Shimokawa |
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Whew today's been a good, long day. I nailed my interview on the head, and I got a job! Yay! I work for AFNI now, doing a data entry job that should allow me to move up fairly soon (within 60 days) to be making 9.50+ an hour. Right now I'll start off at 8.00, which isn't bad. I finally have something to occupy my time with/plan for more exodus' to Japan. I'll get my car, that takes priority right now. If anything I'll try and take a trip out there for a week, visit Mitsuko in Tokyo, and fly back sometime in September or something. That's my thinking anyway. If not, I have Goto in the summer, hopefully for a lot longer than 2 weeks.
Things are looking up now, I'm relieved that I have a job now. Still need to talk to Kathy about the school thing. Still working on Japanese. I'll soon be adding Spanish to the language mix. Maybe the Filipino language Tagalog (after all, I'm 1/8th) sometime down the road. Language wise, I want to know 4 languages. English, Japanese, Spanish, and maybe Tagalog. Its either that or Chinese. Maybe Korean, I dunno. But I will know at least English, Spanish and Japanese. First thing first though, I need to learn Japanese. My emails with my Japanese friends have resumed, so I've been getting some practice in. My writing skills in Japanese are horrid at best I think. Chiho keeps telling me I should believe in myself more, and that my Japanese is "really good!!!", but somehow I think she's just being nice. I mean, I've never heard her say that something is bad or "very bad!!!". The one thing I complain about this language so far is that I feel I cannot effectively communicate. Wether its talking with a person who knows English or if I'm speaking to them in Japanese, I feel like there's a gap between us. That gap being a cultural barrier, that keeps me out of knowing that person fully. Only a few people I don't have that problem, but I notice it most with my friend Chiho. Lately it feels like she makes herself too busy. Like she doesn't have to be, but she is. I end up writing her an email of fairly decent length, and she writes 2 sentences back. I don't know what I could say or do to have her open up a bit. I mean, if I'm bothering her or whatever, she should tell me. Not just be polite and smile and nod. Its kind of fusterating because I want to talk with her about deeper things, and its hard to because she doesn't really seem to care. I know she does, she must anyway. I just don't see it coming from her.
But anywho, she's in Seattle so I don't have to worry about that for a while. I'm in Tucson, and that's what matters. I gotta get working making money, saving for the trip, getting my life back in order. I just wish she was a part of it, that's all. But no matter, that can happen some other time I guess.Mood:  accomplished Tunes: Cloud Smiles - FF7:AC OST |
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Yeah I'm back, can you guess what I've been doing? Playing World of Warcraft again. I swear, that game is TOO addicting for its own good. My guild, HotD, is running BWL and AQ now. I'm so psyched to get in! I gotta get good FR gear though. I have okay stuff, but I need better! STRONGER! MORE POWERFUL STUFF! ahem....anyway.
I've been through some up and downs lately, I'm sure you all have noticed, but I'm doing better now for the most part. I have a 2nd interview today that i don't intend on missing. In fact, I should leave right now for it. Wish me luck!Mood:  bouncy Tunes: Passive - A perfect Circle |
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With all things in life, you come to a point in the road where it forks in two directions, sometimes maybe more. Lately I feel like I'm at that point. With life, and all its different aspects, have ultimately come down to a few choices in where to go. Secularly, the choice is where or not to plant my roots in Tucson, getting a decent full time job and live here indefinately, or to go to school and work temporary. If I stay here, I can learn my father's business, which is a growing one here in Tucson, eventually getting my own route and having a stable strong income that'll let me live comfortably, if not more than so. If I decide to go the school route, that opens up possiblities of me going to Japan, maybe even working out there. I hope, with a BA in the future, to enter the JET program and be able to live there for a few years, maybe longer in their alumni program. To live in Japan is the new dream, as going there has been fulfilled. I know I can acomplish it, if given the time and plan to do so. Whatever I set my mind to, I can acomplish it. At least, that's what I'd like to think.
Being without a job since getting back has left me feeling a bit on the purposeless side. Yes, I have many other things to fill my time with, but after having a job, there's something in a man that makes him feel complete by having employment. I say that, knowing the condition of life as a man, and only implying that to a male's case seeing as I don't know and don't presume to know the female condition. Whatever I do, I feel a bit empty when I do it. It has less meaning, less importance. At least most of the times anyway. I stopped going to look for jobs, mainly because of the lack of response I've been getting lately. Most jobs I've looked for, I've been there at the wrong time it seems. So I took a break from that for a while, playing WoW and studying Japanese in my spare time (I play on Darren's account btw, not mine). Now that I'm starting to get my confidence back, I'll brave the market again and try to get a job. This time I'll be looking at call centers again. As much as I would rather not, no one else will pay me the money they will for doing that work. I figure its a fair trade, my sanity for extra cash. Basically, I could care less at this point. The goal now is to make enough to go in the winter to Tokyo, and Goto in the summer next year. I made a promise to them, that I will return. I intend to keep that promise.
The other area in my life that seems to been drained is my social one. I haven't seen anyone really since I've been back, a few times the first few weeks of January, but with school being everyone's focus, not being in school has definately left me out of the loop on things. There are a few friends that I've been spending time with, some I'll still talk to, some I rarely see, some I haven't talked to in a while, and one that is in a cuban missile crisis with. Which is not to say that I blame everyone for taking their studies seriously or anything, but it just makes me wish that I had been here for school. I'm another year behind, in that sense. Still so much to do, yet it seems like I'll never catch up. Which is why that fork in the road is so hard to decide on.
Last area I'll discuss tonight is my emotional state. Coming back from everything I ever dreamed of to having almost nothing and starting over has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. For a while, I was kind of angry that I was here again. It seems like nothing in Tucson is pretty anymore. Not people, not wildlife, not nature, nothing. The mountains, which were beautiful when I left, are now nothing but brown mounds that remind me of the lack of vegatation that living in a desert brings. The lack of any rain has also made me feel down. I'm a bit strange in that way, I thrive the most in rain. The best time to do anything, in my opinion, is in the rain. Well, except wash your car. Coupled with the other 2 areas, things have felt horrible for me the past month.
With this month, things are starting to get better, but a lot of questions remain unanswered. The few things that have kept me sane through last month I fear may slip, and my hold on them is starting to become beyond me. The promises I made in Japan, the decrees that I said I would do, the pledge I made, I feel that if I slip I won't be able to keep any of them. I can't let that happen. Especially to Shouko-san, the promise I made to her was the most important one I made. I've been doing the best I can to keep my end up, but regardless what I do , things seem to be getting worse with her. I hope Shouko-san is having better luck than I am.
Anyways, enough of this sappy rant before it turns emo. And we all know, we don't want that to happen. Back to normal Jair next time.Mood:  worried Tunes: Suzumeba - Xenogears Heart felt Reflections Remix |
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Taking a break between letters, I figured I'd do something in english for a little while.
Nothing much has happened really, this weekend passed pretty quickly. I have full internet access restored, with the leetness of Cable rather than DSL. Finally. Not like I really harness the full potential anyway, it just means I wait 15 minutes rather than 1 hour for a movie to download. But it is nice, regardless. Been spending a lot of time with Darren recently, which is always fun. I'm kind of dissappointed that I won't be going to Japan this summer, but I figure, two trips to Japan, I think that's a little much for one year. I'll make sure I blog the next one really well. I still haven't told the whole story to everyone, but I've told offline family and friends the story at least a bagillion times I haven't had the energy to write about it online. I'll eventually do that, I suppose. if the people demand it ^_^. I'm still behind on my gift sending, mainly due to not being able to write adequate letters in Japanese. I want to say so many things to them, but I don't have the vocabulary to tell them. I really have to think about what i'm going to say before I write it down. Half the time, I'm shuffling thru a dictionary or my JLookup program. Needless to say, after about...oh, 7 hours straight of working on this, my brain hurts. I think I'll stop here for the night, but I'll have to get right back on it tommorrow morning. This no sleep thing is really getting on my nerves. Oh well, what can you do. Anyways, talk to you all later. Real post will come once I do something other than compose letters.
Also, if anyone has Kathy's or Jesse's number I'd really appriciate it. Sean gave me numbers for them, but none of them work now (maybe I wrote Jesse's down wrong or something, but for some reason they're not working anymore) so if anyone has numbers for them, please get that to me somehow. Calling my cell or leaving an email are probably the best ways. Text messaging my phone is also a good choice. Thanks to whoever in advance!Mood:  too awake to sleep Tunes: Mikuni Shimokawa - Hajimari |
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Well, I went to Tombstone on a whim yesterday with my parents. I was going to play Warcraft 3 but they dragged me along. Not that I was mad about going or anything, but I really wanted to kill some orcs.
Anyways, in the car we got into a conversation about names, and of course we talked about my name being so terrible. I really don't like my name, or rather, what it is Shortened to. "Chris" has been the bane of my exsistence since kindergarden, and people always found ways of making fun of it. First, I was called "christopher columbus". Yeah, every mexican kid's dream is to be called the name of the guy who's responsible for "finding" america and stealing it from indians. In an all mexican class no less. Yeah, that's fun. Then there were two "Christopher"s in my elementary classes, so we tacked on the first inital of our last names. He became "chris G" I was "Chris E." or better yet, "Chrissy". Yeah, that got old very quickly. Then in middle school (pre-tucson), that gay home decorator was popular, who happened to share a name with me. So guess what immature homophobic mexicans in middle school used to call me. Yeah, my name had been synomous with homosexuality all the way until I left that forsaken city. So there's good reason I hate my name, and the city of Los Angeles for that matter.
But, my mom (blessed woman she is) decided "well, since we kinda screwed up on your name in the first place (she really did, tacked on 'Adams' as my middle name last minute and would of named me 'Cristoval' if she knew how to spell it right. She barely got 'Christopher' right with the help of a grammatically inclined nurse at the hospital) why don't we change it?" Its not the first time this came up, but this is the first time I thought about it seriously. I really wanted a new name. And since I did something very much life changing (going to Japan) and that I'm at a new chapter in my life (being 20) I think a new name would give me a fresh start on the misadventures my teen years have been. A fresh break, a new start, I think it'd be very symbolic of that. But, the question remained, "What would I name myself, since my mother botched that job?" When you're a kid, you want a name like "the Hulk" or "superman" or something like that. You forget that your name is something you don't change unless you're weird or your a woman who got married, even then its the last name. I'm going to change my first name, though. Get rid of my middle name. I'm keeping "Estrada" though, I'm proud of my last name. Wouldn't change it for the world. But the first name would be a challange, but last night, with the help of a few friends, we came up with something that would work.
My new first name, is Jair (Ha-ee-r). Its a spanish first name, and I really liked it. Its unique, and its not "Pedro" or "Juan" or anything like that. Its something that I know I won't run into, and I really like how it sounds in Japanese "Yairu". My middle name is going to be changed from Adams to Cristoval. I know most of my friends and family will forget my new name, so I wanted to keep my first name, but in spanish so that way I'm still me. So my full name would be Jair Cristoval Estrada. I like it ^.^ So, what does everyone think? I'm going to find out all the information about changing your name legally, I'm sure it'll be a bit of a hassle, but to be something different will be worth all the trouble. Here's to a new me ^_^
Feb. 20th, 2006 @ 12:25 pm
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| » Keep spending most our lives livin' in a Gamer's Paradise... |
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I went out with Darren, James, Heather and Tadeo tonight. We went to Golf 'n Stuff. It was awesome, as usual. I felt like a group again, which was great. I really miss that since the old days, its good to have that feeling again. I did a lot of thinking about the old days tonight, how they were, and how I reget some of those things. Yet others weren't mistakes, and how great it was what we were able to do despite all the odds. They really were great times, and unfortunately they are gone. I wish we would've kept that strong bond of friendship. I mean, I was able to keep it with some people, not nearly as strong as I would of liked.
But, its not like i can't fix that now. I want to see some of the older group, but I don't think we're a 'group' anymore. Maybe we never werew, but I won't forget that we did survive Yamashita's class both 2 years (and 1 year and even 1/2 a year for you peeps that left early) Anyways, its getting late, and I should head back home from Darrens. Hopefully we'll have internet when I get back. Night!
Feb. 19th, 2006 @ 04:01 am
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| » A Valentine for you: A rant by a wandering manga-ka |
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Well, I figure since everyone else (which means any number of people I know who are lamenting or rebelling against today) I would make note of today. Today is in fact, Valentine's Day. Today is a day where many people fear and many people dread, and many people love and many people hate, yadda yadda yadda. I know from experience I've lost and started many relationships on this day. But that's the past. As much as it sucked, I can't really change it. Some of those, I wish I did that sooner, some I wish I never let them go. But doing all of that doesn't change anything, it makes me feel miserable.
Today I saw quite a few couples feeling very lovable today. I also saw a few dejected looking girls, a few dejected guys, a few angry couples, a few angry single people. A lot of dopey guys carrying large hearts. A few proud young men, in their prime, in the zone, carrying a small red rose and a wild grin on their face. I tried to smile at the girls that looked down, I tired to nod in agreement with the guys that looked dejected, I avoided the pity stares of the lovable couples that broke away for just a few seconds. It was strange today, since I was only aware of today's significance over all other days was when the coffee clerk at coffee exchanged gave me a hearty "Happy Valentine's Day!" as I left. I nodded and said, "Have a good day". And really it was, despite it being what today is.
And really, why shouldn't it be just another day? Why should a few lonely hearts be reminded of why they're alone? Or why do people that are in love have to feel like they must flaunt it on a particular day out of tradition and complusion? I figure, romance and the like shouldn't just be because one has to be on a certain day. Why can't a man send a woman flowers because he was thinking about her and feels she needs a reminder of why she's special? And for a girl who has a man, why should she wait till today to tell her man she loves him, do something special for him, because he means so much to her? After all, that's why you're together right?
Of course, the world doesn't think that way, they think of a way to fire up sales after the traditional holiday season (don't get me started on X-mas) not to mention today seems to hit a lot of people harder than any other day. I was sitting on the bus today, this girl seemed like she was on the verge of tears. She was attractive, but definately not aware of it ( by her body language it seems, at the very least she was shy). She seemed very depressed, which on a normal day she'd be looking to study for another exam. But the couple in front of her, which couldn't keep their hands off each other, seemed to pushed the point that she was single. I talked to this girl a bit, on the way to school, she definately voiced her complaint about the holiday, the couple didn't seem to notice of course. I mentioned a few things I said in the previous paragraphs to her, which I got this response, "Either you're in a loving relationship with someone, or your gay." My first impression of her being one of the dejected types was off, apparently. After I told her I was neither, she questioned again my sexuality before getting off at her stop, "Well, thanks again for listening to me ramble." was the closest thing I got to an apology for the gay crack before she left.
I'm sure, on a normal day, she would've been a charming girl. Instead today made her bitter, sarcastic, and apparently it killed her gay-dar. All because of one stupid day. Hell, its over in Japan, I don't see why people get so worked up over it. I, for one, had a lovely day besides this bus encounter. And I'm looking foward to the next few days. I have a Japanese party to go to (if I get told when it is, I know its sometime this week or next week...) and I have great friends to party with (golf 'n stuff is gonna rock saturday) what more do i need? Hell, this is been one of the best times to be single for me. I'm out of work, out of school, no car, no nothing right now. I can't see trying to go out with someone without the denarii to take her out. Not to mention the car, not to mention the flowers, not to mention yadda yadda yadda. Its a lot of hassle for not a lot of day. After all, as MK said, the chocolate goes half priced tommorrow anyway. Not that I'd buy the stuff, kills the figure ya know.
Anyways, I'm ranting while I can, the DSL is still up until friday, and the cable will have to have a router bought if we are to use it (we being my sister and I, since my brother is being an ass and not springing for it even though he broke the DSL in the first place, but that's another story) I'll make another rant tommorrow night, and if I still have access on Friday, I'll post. Again, for those wanting to talk to me, the best way is through my cell, next followed by email. Email will be very hard to manage for a while, as I won't have a stable connection until Sunday via my brother's computer. Or we get lucky and get a wireless router. Either way, I'm getting screwed out of my connection now so setting up meetings for Japanese study or hanging out in general will have to be done via my phone. If you don't have my number, you can contact Jason, Sean, Gwen, or myself via email to get it. I'd post it here, but since this is going to be a public post, I'd be pretty stupid to do that. I don't need crank calls, after all. Anyways, that's enough rant for one night, till next time.
Mina mou, Ya chou ne! Ato de!
Feb. 14th, 2006 @ 10:10 pm
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| » To whom it may concern... |
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My net crippled itself last night (stupid DSL) while I was talking with peeps on MSN and playing Ragnarok Online, which sucks. Worse part yet, I have only limited access right now (limited being connected to a USB cable that's only 3 feet long from the living room, wireless is completely down. So I'll be on restricted internet leave, I may pop on now and then, but that's to comment on NIHONgo for it! and a checkin' LJ and such (btw, if you wanted to know what that former site addy was, its nihongonihongo.blogspot.com ) So if you want any major contact with me, give me a call or txt me ( I do have text messaging on my phone, that works really well if you want to contact me). Just letting you all I'm gonna be a bit off radar until they can instal the cable line. And boy, will I be glad when they do. ^_^ Alrighty, talk to you peeps later!
Feb. 14th, 2006 @ 09:04 am
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| » Interesting little test I found while surfing... |
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http://www.alllooksame.com/
I found it on a BBS of a JET who's describing his experiences of Japan, and somehow this came up in the BBS. I thought it was interesting, seeing as I thought I could tell pretty well the difference ( I got an 8 out of 18) and I wondered how my fellow Japanese students would do.
Oh, and as for the previous posts, I'm tagging Jason, Gwen, Sean, Amanda, and.....whoever else wants to be tagged. ^_^ enjoy!
Feb. 8th, 2006 @ 09:49 am
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hyper_neko's journal